Jeremy Miller

The Hideout Almost Makes Screech Cry

Screech at FND

Screech talks about his porn movie on the radio

"Throw the Jew Down the Well" by Borat

Johnny Carson reacts to Don Rickles breaking his cigarette box

David Zucker's Madeleine Albright Ad

Clip of Lisa Lampanelli at the Pamela Anderson Roast

Clip of Lisa Lampanelli roasting William Shatner

Doug Flutie's Hail Mary Pass in the 1984 Orange Bowl

The Play: Cal vs. Stanford (1982)

Clive Clemmons "Inappropriate Response Channel" Clip From Late Night With Conan O'Brien

Check out this Clive Clemmons "Inappropriate Response Channel" Clip From Late Night With Conan O'Brien:

Bear Being Electrocuted

This video is so funny. A bear climbs a power line pole and then learns not to mess around with power lines. The bear apparently walked away with no permanent injuries:

David Hasselhoff Singing "Hooked On A Feeling"

Here's a music video of "Hooked On a Feeling" as sung by David Hasselhoff. I'm not sure whether this is self-parody or whether he's trying to be a big-time pop star, but I think it is pretty funny.

Rob Mackowiak's Actions During The White Sox-Cubs Brawl

Most baseball fans has probably already seen the melee at the White Sox-Cubs game last Saturday many times already. However, with the big pile of players, it was kind of hard to see who was doing what when everyone ran out onto the field. Luckily, however, I downloaded a digital copy of the game from mlb.com and found a little gem about 90 minutes into the downloaded broadcast.

If you've ever downloaded a full game from mlb.com, you know that the downloaded file includes the entire TV broadcast from the game. The only thing missing is the commercials that are played during the TV broadcast. Instead, the broadcasters are silent while the cameras continue to roll during the normal commercial breaks.

I was watching the downloaded game the other days when I discovered a clip of a conversation on the bench in the White Sox's dugout shortly after the fight that I don't think was replayed on the TV broadcast. Apparently there was a microphone somewhere in the dugout that picked up a conversation between Rob Mackowiak, A.J. Pierzynski, and Brian Anderson. Mackowiak is laughing pretty hard while telling Anderson something like "I was choking Mabry while you were punching him." (As I mentioned previously, Mabry got pummelled by Anderson during the fight.) I kept re-playing that clip over and over because I thought it was pretty funny. It's only a shame that Barrett wasn't the one getting pounded, as he was the instigator of the melee!

The Cubs Are Still Whining About The Fight They Started

When asked about what happened to John Mabry (who was pummelled by Brian Anderson)during the White Sox-Cubs brawl, Ryan Dempster continued his complaining. Dempster said "yeah, I don't really know what happened. I don't know why they decided to gang-tackle Mabry. Brian Anderson thought it was a melee. So 'let's just start a fight with whoever's next to me.' All 'Mabes' is trying to do is break that up and get [Michael] Barrett out of there and the next thing you know he's getting gang-tackled."

Apparently Demspter is under the impression that when a player on his own team sucker-punches a player on an opposing team, there's not supposed to be any retaliation. I think it's a good thing the the Sox did fight back. Barrett now knows that punching someone could result in one of his teammates being injured in a retaliatory action. Maybe Michael Barrett will think twice next time before he acts like the punk he is and flies off the handle.

The Players On The 2006 Cubs Are A Bunch Of Whiny & Pathetic Losers

I was out doing some shopping and running errands last Saturday when the World Champion Chicago White Sox played the lowly Chicago Cubs at Cellular Field. In the bottom of the second inning the bases were loaded with one out and A.J. Pierzynski on third base and Brian Anderson at the plate batting against Cubs pitcher Rich Hill. With the count 1-1, Brian Anderson hit a fly ball to left field. After the ball was caught, Pierzynski tagged up and ran toward home plate. Cubs catcher Michael Barrett was blocking the baseline in front of home plate, so Pierzynski had to barrel throw Barrett to get to the plate.



After knocking Barrett backward, Pierzynski slammed his hand on home plate and then got up and tried to walk around Barrett to pick up his helmet, which had fallen off during the collision and landed on the other side of home plate. Barrett immediately grabbed Pierzynski in a bear hugged, said "I didn't have the ball, bitch!" and then sucker punched Pierzynski in the jaw. At this point all hell broke loose. Scott Podsednik, the Sox' leadoff hitter, immediately tackled Barrett to the ground even though Barrett had at least 50 or 60 pounds on him.

My favorite part of the brawl was when Brian Anderson ran over and threw a punch at Barrett. Unfortunately he missed, as Barrett was falling down to the ground by this time. However, Cubs first baseman John Mabry got in Anderson's way and Anderson mixed it up with Mabry, throwing a couple more haymakers and then throwing Mabry down to the ground. Mabry was beaten badly enough that he had to go to the hospital for x-rays on his ribs.

Eventually order was restored and Pierzynski, Anderson, Mabry, and Barrett were all ejected. I expect that Barrett will soon receive a lengthy suspension (maybe10-15 games), and Brian Anderson will probably also be suspended for 2 or 3 games. Pierzynski probably won't be suspended, as he didn't really do any fighting - he was just the recipient of a punch, but threw none of his own. I'm not sure whether Mabry will be suspended either, as I only saw him getting his ass kicked, but I didn't see him throw any punches.

Even though the fight was several days ago and the White Sox have moved on, the Cubs are still complaining about the fight even though their player, Barrett, started it himself unprovoked. Everyone is pretty much in agreement that Pierzynski's collision was a clean play.

After the game, Cubs pitcher Rich Hill said that Pierzynski's play was "gutless" and "pathetic." the Cubs' GM Jim Hendry and manager Dusty Baker heard Hill's comments, they immediately called Hill into a closed-door meeting and explained that it was a clean play and told him to keep his mouth shut. "Sometimes the young man speaks more than he listens," Baker said about Hill in a rare public tongue-lashing of a player. "That's been part of the problem. We sent him out, and hopefully he will have learned something and be better when he gets back."

Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was livid when he heard Hill's comment. Guillen said "tell that Triple-A [bleep] to shut the [bleep] up," Guillen said. "Tell him to start throwing some strikes or he's going to get Dusty fired."

Barrett is another Cubs player unable to keep his mouth shut about his actions. He claims he felt threatened by Pierzynski and that's why he hit him. That's a pretty crappy explanation for his actions. This is not the first time Barrett has lost it - he yelled at San Diego Padres' Dave Roberts a few weeks ago and at Houston Astros' Roy Oswalt back in 2004. He's always been a hothead and his actions last Saturday were probably inevitable.

Now a member of the Cub's crappy bullpen is chiming in. Ryan Dempster claims that the diminutive White Sox third base coach Joey Cora jumped into the pile of players and bit Jacques Jones on the leg. Dempster said that he "thought that was one of the most bush things I've ever seen. You're on the other side of the white lines now because you can't play anymore, so don't come swinging ... just break the fight up. Don't act like you're a player anymore because you're not. If you're going to do that, you're going to end up getting yourself hurt one day."

When Guillen heard of Dempster's comments, he flew off the handle. "All of a sudden he's saying coaches shouldn't be out there, coaches shouldn't be involved in fights," Guillen said of comments he thought Dempster made during "The Mike North Morning Show" on Monday on WSCR-AM (670). "Good thing he's thought about it because if he keeps pitching like that, he might be coaching pretty soon."

Bonds-Hating Fan Catches Bonds' 714 Home Run

Barry "juiced" Bonds hit his 714th home run on Saturday in Oakland against the A's, tying Babe Ruth for 2nd place on the all time list. The ball was caught by A's fan Tyler Snyder. The fan supplied an awesome comment when asked whether he would give the ball to Bonds. He replied - "I hate that guy." That is exactly what Bonds deserves for being such an asshole to fans over the years and juicing up for years and lying about it.

"28 Day Slater" Videos

I found a couple mildy entertaining video clips entitled "10 Day Slater." The primary actor in the clips is supposed to be a current-day Mario Lopez who thinks he's really the actor A.C. Slater from Saved By The Bell. These clips are pretty funny because the guy does kind of look like Slater and wears a nice permed mullet wig the entire time. He also shows off some fancy moves as "The Attic" in the second clip.

Episode 1
Episode 2

Video Of "Brokeback By The Bell"

I've discovered an hilarious Brokeback Mountain-themed video based on the original "Saved By The Bell" TV series. This video contains clips from various episodes spliced together to make it seem as though Zack and Slater had some sort of illicit relationship at Bayside High School.

Check it out here.

Video Clip of Mr. Belding Signing "Piano Man"

Here's another clip of Mr. Belding singing karaoke. This time he's singing Billy Joel's "Pian Man."

Mr. Belding Singing Karaoke

iFilm has posted video of a morbidly obese Dennis Haskins (a.k.a. Mr. Belding) on its website.

This is frightening. Check it out here.

Is Screech the Long-Lost Son of Libyan Ruler Muammar Gaddafi?

I found this picture over at the Dustin Diamond Love forum. Funny stuff! I didn't realize that Libyan ruler Muammar Gaddafi had an illegitimate Jewish son, Dustin Diamond.

Alf admits gay sexual abuse

Remember the 80s TV show ALF? I found an Internet website that tells the story about how ALF was a victim of gay sexual abuse perpetrated by actors Max Wright and JM J Bullock! Read all about it here: http://www.geocities.com/alfwasmolested/alf.html

Hi. I'm Alf.

Many of you remember that I had a tv sitcom from 1986 to 1991 named Alf on NBC. I crash landed my spaceship in Max Wright's backyard and could not leave Earth. Max and his family adopted me and treated me like I was a member of their family. At first, this was wonderful. Then I realized what it meant to be a 'member' of Max Wright's family.

Max told me I was an Alf (Alien Life Form) and if anyone discovered me, I would be thrown into prison with murderers, rapists and rap stars because I was an illegal alien. Since I am from another planet, I believed him.

Max's constant threats of arrest by the authorities and fear of going to prison kept me silent during my years of gay sexual abuse by Max Wright and later, Jim J Bullock.

I gathered the courage to tell my stories after the National Enquirer obtained a home video tape (filmed by Max's gay lover) of Max and his butt buddy smoking crack and smoking dick with homeless fags they picked up off the streets. Max made the cover of the National Enquirer for this one!
. . .

More Proof That Barry Bonds Cheated

Rant Irishman has a great new article about Barry Bonds and the new steroid allegations against him over at the Moynihan Institute. You should check it out.

Mario Lopez to Star in Saved by the Bell Spinoff: "10 Years Slater"

I found a parody article about Mario Lopez at Glossynews.com. According to the article, Mario Lopez is going to reprise his role as A.C. Slater on the new sitcom 10 Years Slater.

Burbank, CA -- In a surprising move, Warren Littlefield, president of NBC Entertainment, announced that a "Saved By The Bell" spin-off featuring Mario Lopez will headline the network's Fall lineup.

"The network felt that with the popular response to the idea of "Friends" spin-off "Joey" it would also be wise to bring back another trusted and familiar friend, but the question was who?" Littlefield explained, "...after much deliberation, we decided Mario Lopez as A.C. Slater was the choice already on everyone's mind."

The show, tentatively titled 10 Years Slater, sees A.C. come full circle as he returns to Bayside to coach the wrestling team after his dreams of being a pro were
shattered by a tragic moped accident. So far there is no word on if Screech, who had already reprised his role as a returning assistant principal in the second generation of Saved by the Bell, would be available.

"I am excited to give it another go as A.C." Lopez said. "I believe that this will be my most fulfilling role since I played the non-compromising bicycle cop Bobby Cruz on Pacific Blue. I just hope Dustin Diamond can be part of it. I know he's really busy these days with Celebrity Boxing and probably other stuff too, but I'm just not sure I could carry the show without him.

Lopez said he also likes the transformation A.C. has undergone since we have last seen him. "This is a much more mature, embattled, bitter and swarthier A.C. His dreams have been violently crushed by a speeding moped. No longer must he worry about touting the biggest muscles in school, but tackling more relevant and challenging problems, like dispelling student rumors that he's gay."
...

Article link

Saved By The Bell Comic Books

Several issues of an actual Saved By The Bell comic book were released in the early 1990s. Some of these comic books are available for purchase at Mile High Comics.

Here are covers for two of the comic books. Is it just me, or does Slater look really gay in the first one?

Funny On-Line Comic Book about SBTB and Mr. T

I just found a funny online comic book about Saved By The Bell and Mr. T. The basic story plot is that Kelly is a gold-digging skank who will only go out with Zack if he can give her some gold. So Zack takes it upon himself to steal Mr. T's gold chains. During his quest for gold, he enlists the help of Slater and Screech. Here are a couple images from the comic:

Great Article About Dustin Diamond and Wife

I have discovered a great article about Dustin Diamond and his wife. This article discusses how Diamond's first date with his wife was at an Arby's (how romantic) and how his wife was a bit standoffish when they first met. Diamond also mentions the following about Saved By The Bell fans:

On "Saved by the Bell" fans - "It’s nice to be recognized. But for every two nice people, you get three rude people. … We get people driving by the house at night, screaming, throwing stuff."

For some reason I find that quote to be very funny. The show ended years ago but Screech's fans still scream at him and throw garbage on his lawn!

http://www.mkeonline.com/story.asp?id=357162

Hilarious Blogs Making Fun of Dustin Diamond

I recently discovered a chain of blogs making fun of Screech and Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech on Saved By The Bell. These blogs all contain a ton of gay jokes about Mr. Diamond and the Screech character and are uproarious. If you are an adult, check them out (warning: offensive humor may not be suitable for children):

Dustin Diamond Queer Fantasies Blog!!!
Queers Unite for Dustin Diamond
Ox's "Remember When" page
The Dner Collection
Jack Meoffa's Remember When Stories

Screech's Stand-up Comedy Act

I was looking at the messages posted at IMDB.com for Dustin Diamond today when I cam across this message from someone who has apparently seen Dustin's stand-up comedy act:

Re: Screech is the worst comedian ever!
by - kylebarkerlgi 2 days ago (Fri Jan 20 2006 21:12:07 )

UPDATED Fri Jan 20 2006 21:22:20
I saw his stand-up. I met him outside where he was signing autographs, and he's a nice fellow one-on-one. I got some laughs from his material, but some I confess were courtesy laughs.

His brand of humor is not really my taste. Any comedian who didn't do sexual humor in his hey-day and does it now is just doing it for cheap shock value (see also: Bob Saget). And in Mr. Diamond's case, it is too disgusting too even be funny. I'm not saying I never laugh at a dirty joke, but hearing Screech go on and on about pornography featuring geriatrics, and make light of incest, and wax misonygistic about injuring a woman anally, is not my idea of fun.

Nor is the other half of his act, which consists of about twenty minutes of his imitation of a retarded person, prefaced by a short speech about "don't be too P.C."---in other words, your'e a spoilsport if you don't laugh. Apparently not finding it hilarious ten times in a row is not an option. To top it off, Diamond managed to squeeze in not one but two "jokes" about the late Christopher Reeve.

Of his TV co-stars, all he had to say was "Zack and Slater sucked", and that Mark-Paul Gosselar ("Zack") was gay. This he was adamant about convincing the audience of. However, Gosselar is married and has a son.

I don't know what I was expecting; I knew he wasn't going to do old "saved by the bell" bits, but at the same time I wasn't expecting this drek.

Saved By The Coke???

I discovered an Internet article in which the author states that Dustin Diamond and Dennis Haskins are both avid cocain users. Screech and Mr. Belding, say it ain't so!

http://www.stanford.edu/~dan06/essays/savedbythebell.html

#1. Dustin Diamond (aka 'Screech'): Did coke while on a date with a friend of mine who goes to University of Maryland. Kudos, Dustin:

#2. Dennis Haskins (aka 'Mr. Belding'): Someone I know helped to found a student group whose sole purpose was to get Mr. Belding to speak at UT. They succeeded (see the article in the UT newspaper). Afterwards, the guy I knew took an eager Mr. Belding out to bars, at which point the former Saved by the Bellian proceeded to do coke. To the best of my knowledge, he was high on coke when this photo was taken.

The Chicago-area Maywood police department annouced a $750,000 settlement for a white prisoner beaten by a racist black prisoner

In June 2004 a 21-year old white male, George Caithamer, was pulled over in the village of Maywood, a Chicago suburb, for driving on a suspended license. He was place in a holding cell with two black prisoners, one of whom was a reputed gang member, 30-year-old Marcus Hrobowski.

Hrobowksi, a 6'4" 215 pound thug, almost immediately proceeded to harass Caithamer and rob him. First Hrobowski made Caithamer give him his Nike shoes and then started punching him. Caithamer hurled racial slurs for the next 20 minutes beating Caithamer and making him strip naked. Throughout the beating Hrobowski pleaded for his life and screamed for help, fearful that Hrobowski was going kill or rape him. The police eventually came to his rescue after Caithamer had been hit 62 times and suffered a concussion.

Caithamer sued the village of Maywood after the attack alleging that the Maywood police officers placed him in the same cell as Hrobowski. Lawyers blamed Maywood police officers and jailers, some of whom sat by monitors that showed the incident in progress, for putting their client in a cell with a known violent felon. The lawsuit also alleged that at least two of the cops heard Hrobowski make racist threats. " Just before he was placed in the cell there were two police officers who heard the beater, his name is Rabowski, who heard him say I'm going to kill white people and I'm going to kill the officer that brought him in," said Blake Horwitz, attorney for Caithamer.

The village of Maywood settled out of court with Caithamer for $750,000 this week.

What's really disturbing is how little press this story has been getting. Hrobowski is a racist thug who beat the hell out of the young Caithamer. Why hasn't Jessie Jackson visited Caithamer and publicly condemned this hate crime??? Could it be because Hrobowski is white and Jackson is a racist hypocrite?

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that Hrbowski got off scot-free for the attack by reason of insanity. He's now institutionalized at an Elgin mental health facility. It's outrageous, if you ask me.

http://www.nbc5.com/news/6036241/detail.html

Hilarious Saved By The Bell flash game

I just discovered an hilarious Saved By The Bell flash animation game called Saved By Your Balls. In the game the player is one of the Saved By The Bell characters and has to whore himself out to the other characters to earn $5000 to fix the player's damage car before the player's parents get home.

If you play as Screech, you can earn $250 in the gym locker room by letting A.C. Slater rape you. This is pure hilarity!

Here's a picture of one of the screens in the game:

Another Dennis Haskins picture!

I found anohter picture of Mr. Belding partying with college students while trying to score some hot babes. Check it out: